


Help—I’m in love with my coworker and I’m pretty sure he’s not gay

by ryugazakigei



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Alternate Universe - Retail, Comedy, JOB HELL, M/M, Retail, and lance is a little shit, lance works in retail, language warning bc i love the word fuck, more specifically adidas but... that's irrelevant, summer job
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-07-12
Updated: 2016-07-23
Packaged: 2018-07-23 13:38:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 5,769
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7465503
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ryugazakigei/pseuds/ryugazakigei
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>...just really into the 80s. or emo.</p><p>In which Lance’s raging bisexuality gets the best of him and and he turns to Yahoo! answers for help</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. fuck this

**Author's Note:**

> I can't believe I'm writing this... but I came up with this idea while I was at my own job, hating my job, wishing I had a better job. 
> 
> Lance is me tbh, except I would kill to work at adidas and have Shiro as my manager
> 
> this is a retail au that NO ONE ASKED FOR

Lance hated his job. He really, truly, honestly hated the shit out of it and he had reasons to back it up. There was the customers who—as his manager stated in the calmest way with the sweetest smile upon his face—were “always right and to be helped with any request,” even if that meant sifting through an entire stack of neatly folded shirts because the medium on top was nowhere near as good as the medium at the very bottom, there was the break time that was limited to 10 short minutes in a stuffy room in the back and lack of rewarding benefits or good discounts, and there was the sole feeling of mental exhaustion that plagued him every day from the same task being performed over and over again for hours on end. Folding shirts was boring, and there was no point in keeping the displays neat! 

He swore once to one of his friends that a stack of shirts can only be adjusted and re-stacked so many times before it loses its charm.

“So why did you get this job in the first place? Wouldn’t you rather apply somewhere else that doesn’t make you want to literally hang yourself with a clothes hanger?”

Lance tapped his fingers on the table in annoyance. Pidge was right, but… “I need the money, okay. Once I make enough money to buy a cool car, I’ll get all the girls and quit on the spot. I’ll even drive past the store to show it off with the prettiest babe sitting in the passenger’s seat.”

“Okay, but you could’ve gotten a job somewhere else, like that video game store down the street. I’m sure your knowledge about games is out of this world.”

“Pidge! I told you I can’t apply there. The managers would be like ‘hey, you’re that kid who accidentally broke the GameCube on display when you couldn’t pass a level! We would never forget that.’ I would be doomed and my reputation would be ruined once word got out. Also, the male to female ratio of customers that visit is like 10 to 1.” 

“Lance, you broke that GameCube SIX YEARS ago. I’m pretty sure they would have new management by now. But I guess you’re right,” he glanced at Lance over his glasses. “I mean, you did break it because you couldn’t pass a minigame in Mario Party that only required you to press one button repeatedly. That is pretty embarrassing.”

Lance slammed his hand down at the table, jabbing a finger into Pidge’s face and narrowing his eyes. “You swore you would never mention what really happened that day. I trusted you, Pidge. At least I actually got a job!”

Pidge brushed it off because he knew there was no point in reasoning with Lance and their conversation was left at that.

Currently, Lance was refolding clothes that were deemed not good enough by customers who left the fitting room disappointed. He was well into his shift for the day and had fallen into the usual “get shit done” zen of working where his mind went empty as he performed the mechanical task. His shift was ending soon, and that was the only thing keeping him going for the moment. Well, it was the only thing until he saw his manager approaching him accompanied by a boy with a… mullet? Had the craze of shitty 80s haircuts been revived? Not only did he have a mullet, but he was also wearing a cropped jacket. Like, the kind of cropped jacket that teenage girls came into the store wearing during fall with knee socks and pleated skirts, except they actually looked cute. If that wasn’t enough, the guy was wearing fingerless gloves too as if he was a physical reincarnation of an 80s rock star.

“Keith, he’ll be the one training you for the next couple of weeks.”

Keith nodded and introduced himself to Lance with an eager smile, holding his hand out towards the other. Instead of receiving a handshake in return, he got a blank stare.

“Wait, wait, wait. Shiro, when did I agree to this? You can’t just force some new guy upon me without any warning and expect me to agree to it. You know I’ve never trained anyone before!” Lance exclaimed, flailing his hands around to exaggerate. He was going to throw in a smart remark about Keith’s mullet, but figured it wouldn’t be a good first impression. Especially in front of Shiro.

Shiro cleared his throat, maintaining the same cheery expression that hid the irritation he felt inside. “Ahem… Keith, this is Lance, our soon-to be floor manager,” he grit his teeth, eyes digging daggers into Lance’s soul and smile still just as bright. “I apologize for his behavior.”

Floor manager? There was no way that didn’t involve a raise. No way. Lance laughed nervously and immediately straightened up, shaking Keith’s hand quickly. “Hi, nice to meet you Keith. Like Shiro said, I’ll be training you. You’ll know the ins and outs of this store in no time. As a matter of fact, I bet you’ll be voted as Employee of the Month on your first month here! I mean, that’s not possible according to the rules, but because of my amazing training and guidance and your outstanding performance, Shiro here will be changing the rules. That’s how good it’ll be. I’ll even show you—“

“That’s enough Lance, thank you. Keith, I’ll introduce you to the rest of the staff,” Shiro interrupted, leaning in to Lance as he passed by. “See me after your shift ends.”

He gulped and nodded, turning to watch his manager walk away with mullet boy at his heels. Lance had never seen someone so enthusiastic to work in retail, but he had also lost all the initial happiness and excitement from his first job after the second month of working there. He turned his attention back to the pile of clothes in front of him and resuming his work. This time, though, his mind buzzed at the thought of what Shiro had told him.

A promotion? After only five months of working there? Lance wasn’t sure if he was lucky for finally getting a promotion or late to party, but he didn’t complain. A promotion meant no longer getting paid minimum wage, and it brought a little bit of life back to his shitty job. His mind was filled with questions: how much more would he be paid? Would he get to work less hours? Did he get a longer break? Would he finally get a 20% employee discount instead of the weak 10% he was currently stuck with? 

…Could he afford a luxury car? 

An excited, overwhelmed smile grew on Lance’s face and he started to work faster, money on his mind.

 

The end of his shift couldn’t have come quicker, and Lance assumed that it was thanks to his determination to make money—not because there was only an hour left. He made his way to Shiro’s office with a grin plastered on his face and peeked his head in.

“Hello, Shiro. It’s me. The future floor manager,” he whistled, stepping into the office and taking a seat in front of Shiro’s desk. “It has a nice ring, I would say.”

Shiro kept his eyes on his desk as he finished signing some paper that Lance could hardly comprehend if he tried. He took his reading glasses off and rubbed his temples. “You know, Lance, you’re not gonna get the promotion unless you work for it. And that introduction today wasn’t a very good start.”

Lance tensed up, his smile falling. He coughed softly, crossing his hands in his lap. “Yes sir. I was caught off guard.”

“Which I understand. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about this before, but I assumed any employee would be eager to share their love for their job with a new recruit.”

Ooh, yup. Lance really felt that hit him. 

“I-I do love my job! I’ll show you and, uh…” He furrowed his eyebrows in deep thought.

“Keith. His name is Keith.”

Yikes.

“Yeah, Keith! I knew that. Starting tomorrow, I’ll be the best employee. I won’t let you down, Shiro.”

Shiro laughed his intimidating laugh (not his usual nice one, Lance noted) and lifted his head to look at Lance. “You better not if you want that promotion. I’ll help you through the training and tell you what to start with tomorrow. You’re dismissed, Lance. Have a nice night.”

Lance stood up quickly and bowed, thanking Shiro. He darted out of his office and let out the breath that he didn’t know he was holding in, running his hand through his hair. 

“You can do this, Lance. I can do this. I love my job.”


	2. fuck you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ohhhhmygoodness this chapter was longer but i wanted to cut it off cause the next part is gonna be fun
> 
> thanks for all the love btw!!!! comments make my day :'^)

That morning, Lance woke up a good half hour before his alarm even had the chance to go off. It was partially from how anxious he felt about doing something new (teaching this Keith kid to love a job he hates with a passion) and partially because he was determined to show Shiro just how good of a floor manager he would be. He needed this promotion _bad_ , and definitely wouldn’t be getting it if he was late for his opening shift. He got ready in a rush and threw some snacks into his bag that would be a pretty pathetic lunch, ripping open a granola bar on his way to the bus stop.

Ah, public transportation. The second bane of Lance’s existence, since work undoubtedly took first place. He wouldn’t admit it to Pidge, but public transportation was one of the main reasons he wanted a car. Lance got his license a few months back with only minor errors on his test—which he was very proud of—but saw no value in it. Without a car to call his own, his license was literally a piece of plastic. An expensive and hard-earned piece of plastic.

Once Lance’s short commute to the mall ended he began to walk towards the store, making sure to stop by Starbucks on the way to get Shiro one of his favorite girly-drinks. In an earlier conversation, Shiro had claimed that frappuccinos were universally enjoyed by everyone and anyone. Lance agreed, up until he learned that his manager ordered, specifically, a strawberries and cream frappuccino with _extra_ whipped cream. That definitely crossed the line and made Lance chalk one down for himself.

He signed in for the day and visited Shiro’s office again, pink drink in hand. He glanced in, finding Shiro tapping away on his laptop with a very intense expression on his face.

“Morning, Shiro. Looks like you’re playing quite the game of Tetris.”

“Good morning, Lance.” Shiro rolled his eyes and set his laptop to the side, directing his full attention to the boy standing in front of him. “…Strawberries and Cream?”

“Extra whip, with your name on it. I wanted you to know just how much I appreciate you, Shiro. You’re the best manager anyone could ever ask for and I’m so fortunate to know you,” Lance nodded repeatedly, handing the drink to Shiro.

Shiro ignored his comment to take a sip, savoring the sweetness for a brief moment before taking a thin stack of papers held together by a paperclip. He held it out to Lance, who took it with a questioning stare.

“It’s the employee handbook, in case you didn’t notice,” Shiro paused, looking up at Lance. “I added some extra notes in there for training. Today you’re going to help Keith get familiar with the layout of the store and what we sell so he knows how to help if customers request a different shoe size from the back or such. Also, help him find an outfit so he can start wearing store brand clothing. Remember, representing the company is an important part of being an employee. We want our customers to know that we too enjoy the brand. Oh, and his first outfit is free.”

Lance crossed his arms, squinting at the other. “Hey, that ‘free outfit’ thing wasn’t around when I got hired! I feel gypped, Shiro.”

“Oh, stop whining. You can take home a pair of socks if you want.”

Seriously? Lance squinted harder, pursing his lips.

“Okay, a hat. You can have a hat.”

Good enough.

“You’ve been working here long enough to afford clothes on your own time. Keith will be here soon, so look over my notes and go to work.”

“Yes sir!” Lance exclaimed, giving his manager a small salute before leaving his office. He flipped through the packet briefly. Shiro had highlighted specific words and phrases like ‘the customer is always right’ and ‘greet everyone who enters with a smile and a positive attitude,’ which Lance assumed to be a small jab at his own attitude. He ignored it and headed to the back to toss the papers into his bag, stopping when he saw Keith looking around the room confused.

Keith looked up at Lance with a small wave. “Uh, hi. Do you know where I can put my stuff?”

“Yeah, just put it with mine. No one will take it,” he said, leaning against the doorway. He crossed his arms, subconsciously checking out Keith as he watched him put his things down. Lance noted to himself that he didn’t check him out because he was _wanted_ to, it was just instinctual. He did that with everyone anyway.

Keith turned around and while he put a lanyard around his neck, clapping his hands once. “So… First day. Do you think I should see Shiro before doing anything?”

Lance shrugged, pointing towards the sign in system. “I would sign in first, unless you’re easy unpaid labor.”

“That would be smart,” Keith mumbled, moving to swipe his card. He glanced over at Lance. “You know, I feel like you don’t like me, buddy.”

Buddy? Was this guy serious? Lance snorted. “Well you see, _pal_ , everything was going just fine until Shiro hired you. Now he’s offering me a promotion but threatening to take it away if I don’t train you well.”

Keith stared directly at Lance, raising his eyebrows. “And how is that a bad thing? You’re literally one easy step away from making more money. What’s so bad about that?”

For some damn reason words wouldn’t leave Lance’s mouth, so Keith went up to him and planted a gentle punch on his arm. Keith leaned in—far too close that someone should ever be to a person they just met—and Lance felt his heart jump to his throat.

“Let’s start over. My name’s Keith. It’s nice to meet you.”

He could’ve _sworn_ he felt Keith’s breath on his neck.

“I’m Lance. Let’s start this training already.”

Keith’s intense blue eyes looked back into his own before he looked away with a laugh, backing away. “What’s first, Lance?”

How could he do that? How could Keith get that close and laugh it off like it was nothing? You know what, maybe he wasn’t human. Maybe he was an alien sent from a foreign planet with the sole purpose of fucking with Lance. This guy was full of problems, and more than just his mullet. God, fuck his stupid mullet. And fuck him.

“I wish I’m joking when I say this, but Shiro said I need to help you find an outfit. Something about ‘representing the company’ and ‘showing the customers that we like the brand.’” Lance put on his best impression of Shiro, straightening an imaginary tie. “And it’s free. Because you’re his favorite.”

He walked out to the floor with Keith, hands in his pockets.

“Don’t let him know I told you, but Shiro said he really likes you. He just wishes you’d be more enthusiastic.”

“Keith, if I was any more enthusiastic than I already am, my face would fall off from all the smiling I’d be doing.” Lance turned to look at the other with the most serious face he could possibly make, quickly turning away when he saw Keith smile. Again, he was 90% sure Keith was an alien. “So, clothes. I’m pretty sure Shiro told me to help you because of my amazing sense of fashion. I mean, look at my shirt. Tell me what you see.”

Keith hummed and did as Lance said. “I see a really tacky Hawaiian inspired print that should only be worn on the beach or, well… Never.”

“Excuse me? This is from one of the celebrity collaborations. Do you know how rare this is? Do you know how much this shirt retails for? Probably more than your first paycheck will be.”

“Mhm, very interesting,” Keith nodded, turning away to look through one of the display racks.

“Okay, Mr. Mullets-are-cool. What do you even know about fashion? You’re the one who looks like you just time traveled from the 80s. You’re wearing that same cropped jacket—which is RED, might I add—and combat boots that cover your entire calf. I don’t know if you’re aware, but this is a sports store. It’s not Hot Topic, which I’m pretty sure is the only store you shop at.

Keith turned to face Lance with a big grin on his face. Somwhow, his stupid, pretty smile only made him more annoyed. Were his comebacks not good enough? “It’s so fun talking to you, Lance. It makes me feel so much better about myself. By the way, the 80s and 90s are coming back into fashion. Oh, and being compared to an 80s rock star is pretty cool. It’s like you’re telling me my life is destined to be filled with great sex, rock and roll, and gorgeous girls.”

Lance narrowed his eyes. “Twenty bucks says I can find an outfit that’ll look better on you than whatever you find for yourself. There’s half an hour until the store opens. Shiro will judge.”

“Game on.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> mood: lance realizing his coworker is better at comebacks than him


	3. fuck me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey hey its me!!! sorry it's been a while since the last update but i promise i'm actually trying to write!!!!! im in klance hell and suffering

Lance almost immediately regretted claiming he had a better sense of fashion than Keith for two reasons: one, he didn’t have to prove that his style was better, (I mean, just look at him and look at Keith. Who’s living in the past again?) and two, finding an outfit that suited his coworker required thinking about how he looks. Thinking very deeply about how good his chest would look in a tight fitting shirt without a boxy jacket covering it all up and very, very deeply about which pants would suit him best. With Keith pulling that ‘get close enough to fuck with your feelings’ shit earlier, the last thing Lance wanted to be doing was thinking about him and his body.

But twenty bucks was twenty bucks, and Lance was _not_ about to have his ego damaged at 9:30 in the morning.

“What’s the theme you’re going for, Keith?” Lance asked, eyeing the other.

Keith snorted, turning his back to Lance as he headed over to a rack of windbreaker jackets nearby. “I need to have a theme? I’m going with what will win, Lance.” 

“Alright, alright, I see how it is. I won’t let you know about my plan either,” Lance shook his head, walking away from Keith. He didn’t really have a plan, but instead had a general idea of what he wanted to do.

Aside from finding something that would show off Keith’s upper body for style purposes, Lance was going for a street style meets sports look. Keith was already stuck wearing his combat boots so he had to work around that somehow. As it currently stood, _anything_ would go better with his shoes so that wouldn’t be a problem.

With an idea in mind, he set off to find the pieces he wanted from the store. First, a very basic graphic tee. Lance settled on a black shirt with the company name and logo printed in white on the front of the shirt. He looked over at Keith to estimate his shirt size and purposely settled on one size smaller. In addition to that he went to the display rack promoting the collaboration he wore on his shirt and grabbed a green track jacket covered in the same ‘tacky’ Hawaiian print. To finish, he found a pair of grey joggers and made his way back to Keith with a smug look on his face.

Keith eyed the jacket Lance was holding and raised a brow. “There’s no way you’ll see me in that. It’s way too flashy.” 

Lance frowned, motioning at the bright teal windbreaker with pink stripes that Keith held. “Says the guy holding a neon windbreaker from the women’s section.”

“Okay first of all,” Keith started. Lance grinned, anticipating Keith’s weak comeback. “Style has no gender. If you let a label stop you from finding the right piece to your outfit, then you’re missing out on almost half of all the clothes in the world. Also, just because this jacket is bright, doesn’t mean it’s flashy. It’s all about how you wear it.”

He couldn’t argue with that, so Lance simply shook it off. “That doesn’t mean you can get away with not trying on my outfit. I swear you’ll like it.”

Keith sighed as Lance dragged him back to the fitting rooms, allowing himself to be pushed behind one of the doors and locked in with the clothes. Lance stood outside of the door with the same smug look on his face.

“C’mon, try mine on first!” He earned nothing but a grumble in response and heard the shuffling of Keith changing.

After a short while longer Keith emerged and Lance felt like he was staring at the human embodiment of an 80s workout video. Keith was wearing slim black sweatpants with neon pink socks peeking out from underneath his boots and the same bright teal jacket zipped all the way up to his chin. Lance stared at Keith like he had never stared before, mouth hanging open in disbelief.

“It’s good, right? The colors go together, the black makes it more wearable… It’s great. I know.” Keith motioned to his jacket and socks proudly.

“Uh, Keith… If ‘good’ means 80s workout trainer, you nailed it. But great? I don’t know.” Lance had only known Keith for a little less than two days and he was already running low on 80s jokes. At first he was ecstatic to be teasing Keith, but at this point it was very clear that Keith lived for (and probably breathed, too) the 80s. It wasn’t a joke, it wasn’t a misinterpretation, and it definitely wasn’t going to end any time soon. This kid was serious and for some reason Lance was slowly starting to dig it. Not that he’d admit it, though.

Keith was completely unaffected by his comment. “Ha ha, very funny. Your jokes are _insane_ , Lance. Now hurry up and take a picture.”

Lance nodded in compliance and took his phone out to take a picture of Keith, pushing him back into the fitting room after. “Okay, enough checking yourself out! Put my outfit on and accept your defeat.”

It would be a lie if Lance said he wasn’t excited to see Keith wearing an outfit he chose. He flipped his phone over and over in his hands, anxiously awaiting Keith to come out. Once he did come out, though, _damn_ did he look good.

“Lance, I think you got the wrong sized shirt. This is really tight,” Keith mumbled, motioning towards the shirt that clung to his body under his jacket.

Lance gave his best fake laugh, shrugging. “You didn’t tell me your size. You’re wearing that wrong, by the way.” Keith looked confused, so Lance had no choice but to help him. He tugged at the green jacket, pushing it off of the other’s shoulders. “You’re supposed to tie it around your waist. Not every jacket needs to be worn and zipped up all the way.”

Once Keith got an idea of what he was doing, Lance stepped back and let him fix the jacket. Lance looked Keith up and down in approval, who had a disgruntled expression on his face. Keith clearly didn’t enjoy the outfit but for once he was being a good sport and dealing with it, which Lance figured was because he thought he was going to win the bet.

“You can take a picture now, Lance. You can stare all you want later when you’re twenty bucks poorer.”

Lance snapped out of his trance and took a photo or two (okay, definitely at least five) and glanced at Keith over his phone. “O-Okay, I got them! You can change back. Or something.” He sighed in relief when Keith when back into the fitting room to change back into his clothes and looked back at his phone, staring down at the photos he had taken. The outfit he had chosen was completely opposite to what Keith’s style was and needless to say, seeing him in something more modern was an experience.

Keith came out wearing the same shirt Lance chose for him and a renewed sense of confidence. He tossed some of the clothes at Lance, who was trying to hide his phones, and lead the way to Shiro’s office. “You prepared to lose?”

“I should be asking you that.” Lance followed close behind Keith, setting the clothes down on one of the chairs inside.

Shiro looked up from his computer, his half-finished drink in hand. “May I help you two?”

Lance took out his phone and pulled up the photos of Keith, holding it out in front of Shiro. “Which outfit looks better on Keith? This is a very important question, Shiro.”

His manager took his phone from his hand, flipping back and forth between the two. Shiro squinted at the phone while he sipped on his drink, humming in thought. “Well… The blue jacket is definitely more of his style, but I like the green one too.” He looked up, smiling sweetly. “What exactly does this have to do with training?”

Both Lance and Keith froze, avoiding eye contact with Shiro. Lance coughed and turned to Keith, shooting him a look that begged him to answer.

“I was, um. Having trouble deciding which outfit to choose,” Keith said.

Lance gave him a ‘thank you’ with his eyes. “Yeah, and I mean, this helped him learn the layout of the store. Right Keith? Training is more effective when you’re having fun.”

“Definitely.”

Shiro looked back and forth between the two and laughed under his breath, returning Lance’s phone. “We’re opening soon. Keith, go put away whichever items you chose and Lance,” He paused, making eye contact. “I like that mentality. Keep it up.”

“Yes sir!” Lance saluted his boss, turning around to help Keith carry the clothes out. He and Keith exchanged a relieved expression as they walked out.

“Oh and by the way, I like the outfit with the bright blue jacket better,” Shiro called out.

Keith turned to Lance with a grin. “Twenty bucks.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tag urself i'm shiro's drink
> 
> p.s. my tumblr is ryugazakigei if you want to show love (or look at all the klance i reblog LMAO let's be real)


	4. seriously, fuck me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> in which lance discovers how deep he's in

“Pidge, you need to listen. This is the most important call I’ve ever had to make since the 2012 incident.” Lance rolled onto his back, looking out the window at the bright blue sky. After being convinced by Shiro to work a full day, Lance had crashed the second he arrived home. His weak lunch of granola bars was nowhere near enough to hold him over, so he ordered a pizza the night before and devoured half of it within 30 minutes. The box lay on the nightstand next to his bed and he was very tempted to finish it, but the call he was currently in was too important to interrupt.

“It’s 8 in the morning, Lance. I would hope it’s an important call since it’s this early,” For someone that was complaining, Pidge sounded completely awake. “By the way, I wouldn’t count coming out as bisexual as an incident. It’s more of a realization.”

Lance grumbled, pulling his comforter tighter around him. “’Realization 2012’ doesn’t sound nearly as mysterious and cool as ‘The 2012 Incident’ does. Also, Hunk? You’re not getting away from this. You need to hear it too.”

A yawn was heard from one of the lines, presumably from Hunk. “Hey… Unlike Pidge, I don’t pull all-nighters at my computer. Give me a break, Lance.”

“It’s my only day off and my friends don’t want to talk to me!” Lance choked, faking a sob. “I’m so… I’m so hurt!”

Pidge sighed and movement was heard from Hunk’s end of the line. “Okay, I’m awake now Lance. No need to cry.” he said.

“Awesome!” To no one’s surprise, Lance’s sad façade completely disappeared. “Attention, team. We have an issue. There’s a new kid at my work and Shiro is making me train him so I can get a promotion but anyway! The worst thing about this is—”

“Wow. The Lance training someone? I didn’t know you were capable of doing so much at your hell job,” Pidge interrupted.

Hunk gasped in awe, the happiness evident in his voice. “A promotion? Lance, this is what you’ve been dreaming of!”

Lance cleared his throat loudly into the phone.

“AHEM. As I was saying, the worst thing about this is that I actually have to spend time with him! I’ve only been around him for one day but I honestly don’t know if I’ll be able to handle a second. He’s like a time-traveling alien sent from the 80s to ruin my life.” Knowing that his friends would respond, Lance sat up in bed and pulled the pizza box onto the mattress. Might as well, right?

Hunk was the first to respond this time, in a very confused matter. “Okay… So this dude is part alien, part time traveler, and grew up in the 80s… So some 40 year old weirdo is ruining your life.”

Pidge was next, speaking with the tapping on a keyboard in the background. “I doubt it’s that bad, Lance. You’ve described your job in worse ways, but you’ve been working there for like what. A year?”

“Guys, no,” Lance said as he swallowed a mouthful of pepperoni pizza (with extra pepperoni, light on the cheese). “He’s like my age or whatever but he has a mullet. A mullet.”

He could hear Hunk gasp and more keyboard tapping accompanied by mouse clicking from Pidge.

“Have you ever seen a 19 year old boy with a mullet? It’s life changing, I’ll tell you that,” Lance took another bite of pizza, setting the call on speaker so he could dedicate his full attention to eating. “Anyway, I lost twenty bucks to him in a bet and—”

“So this is why your life is ruined! He bruised your ego!” Pidge exclaimed, Hunk letting out an ‘ohhh’ in understanding.

“Pidge! If you would just let me finish!”

“Finish chewing whatever you’re eating. Don’t talk with your mouth full, Lance.”

Okay, Pidge was right. That was kind of gross. After swallowing again, Lance continued. “I bet him twenty dollars that Shiro would like the outfit I chose for him better and in my defense, I thought I had a pretty good chance at winning. You know that green shirt I have with the palm tree design?”

“Yeah, I like that one. It’s very tropical,” Hunk replied.

“Yup, that’s the one. I thought that jacket would totally win but Shiro apparently didn’t like it. Whatever. But guys, this is where the story gets real. This is where our conversation goes from important call to EXTREMELY important call.” He paused to finish the slice of pizza he was working on, setting the crust down and dusting his hands off. “I have pictures of Keith. He practically begged me to take them.”

The line remained silent until Pidge spoke very slowly. “I feel like this just took a turn for the worse. A very sexual turn.”

If Lance was still eating, he definitely would be choking after hearing that. He coughed loudly, practically yelling into the phone. “Pidge! No! I would never! Not even in a dream! Well…” He thought about it for a second. Would a dream be that bad? Yes. Yes it would. “NO! Not even in a dream!”

He could hear both Hunk and Pidge laughing at him. “Ooh, I know why Lance called us! He has a crush! I can hear him blushing from over the phone!” Hunk was deep into his fit of laughter.

A crush? Calling it a crush was a little bit of a stretch, considering how much he disliked Keith. He was bearable at times, but most of the time he was highly irritating. “No way, Hunk. It’s not a crush. He just looked really good in the outfit I chose. That’s all. As a matter of fact, I’m sending them to the group chat to prove that you don’t have to have a crush to know he looks good.”

Lance paused the call to reopen his photo library, sending the photos into the group chat titled ‘DELETE LANCE.’ His eyes were locked on the photos as they sent, a small smile slipping onto his face. In one of the photos, Keith had a smug look paired with a bright smile. He was caught in the middle of talking about how he would beat Lance by a landslide, and Lance was captivated—captivated by how natural his smile looked, how the look of pure enjoyment was prominent on his face, how his hair was messy from pulling different shirts over his head…

Shit.

“Okay, he does look pretty good, but I don’t get the mullet. I mean to each their own, but I’ve never actually seen a teenager with a mullet before and it is indeed life changing,” Hunk noted.

Pidge surprisingly agreed with Hunk, commenting on Lance’s silence. “Where’s that cocky ‘I told you so’ remark? It’s not the same if you don’t say it, Lance.”

Lance was currently burying his face in his hands, eyes peeking through his fingers and locked on the phone lying on his bed. “Guys…”

“Oh no.”

“Here it comes, Hunk.”

“Now that I think about it, I might actually have a crush on him,” Lance mumbled in disbelief. “I’ve only known him for two goddamn days, but I might have a crush on him. I don't know, though. I just can't stop thinking about how stupid his smile is and how he pulls off the mullet, of all things… I hate him. I really do.”

Hunk followed immediately after his remark. “Yup, that’s how crushes work.”

“Note to self,” Pidge stated. “Today is ‘Realization 2016.'"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this was a short chapter but it needed to be separate so!!!
> 
> tag urself im the "DELETE LANCE" group chat
> 
> p.s. here's my attempt at cute fanart of lance on the phone thinking about ketih http://imgur.com/NsamdIN


End file.
